The Bad Idea Job
by serenelystrange
Summary: Or Parker, Hardison, and Eliot go to Disney World. This is mostly fluff, people, but anyone who's read anything of mine shouldnt be surprised. Anyway, hope you like it. Slight P/H leanings, but nothing substancial. No spoilers.


A/N – This idea just ran through my head and I needed to write it. I dont actually have much to say, just hope you like it, :)

Oh! And yes, the princess quote was stolen from the movie "A Little Princess." Credit where it's due and all that, :D

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"This is a bad idea."

Hardison rolled his eyes at Eliot's statement, ignoring the other man's perpetual scowl.

"Man, it is an excellent idea, she's gonna love it," he replied, with an easy grin.

Eliot raised an eyebrow, "Then why am I here, again?"

The easy grin fell into a slightly worried smile, "Just in case she absolutely hates the idea and thinks I'm trying to get too... fiddly. There's less pressure if you're around too." Hardison paused for dramatic effect, "Plus, that woman is a freaking _ninja!_ It's gonna take two of us just to make sure she doesn't steal anything important or scale the castle or some shit."

"You've really thought this through, haven't you?" Eliot asked with unconcealed surprise.

Hardison smirked, "I'm more than just a pretty face, you know."

Eliot just shook his head in annoyance and grabbed the keys from Hardison's hand. "Well then, _pretty boy_," he snarled the words teasingly, "let's get a move on."

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"You know they're going to announce where the flight is going when we get on the plane, right?" Parker said, scowling slightly at the two men on either side of her.

"No, they won't," Eliot replied, sounding entirely too sure of that fact.

Parker pouted, "You know you're not supposed to play with the airlines when it's not part of a job. Nate wouldn't like it."

"Hey, now," Hardison broke in, Eliot didn't do anything... obtrusive. Money talks, is all."

"And Nate ain't here to argue," Eliot added, ever so helpfully.

"I might have also hacked into the system and made it so we're the only people on the plane, but that's besides the point," Hardison grinned widely as they made their way to the gate.

"Did you at least buy the tickets?" Parker asked.

Eliot snorted, "Of course not."

Parker grinned, "Well, at least there's that."

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"That wasn't a very long flight," Parker remarked as the plane touched down. "Not even three hours, which means we're either still in the U.S. Or in Canada or Mexico. Or the middle of the ocean." Her voice rose excitedly as she turned to Hardison, "Oooh! Are we going to the Lost island?"

Eliot sighed loudly but said nothing.

Hardison laughed, "I told you, the government wont let anyone near the Lost island. But it's day will come, mark my words."

Eliot quickly turned his laughter into a coughing fit, causing Parker to look at him quizzically, "Did you swallow a bug?"

He just shook his head as he turned even redder.

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"The blindfold is a little bit much," Eliot said as he made sure Parker was bucked safely in the back seat and not fiddling with his favorite bandana that Hardison has used to cover her eyes.

"I don't mind," Parker laughed, "I like surprises."

"See?" Hardison emphasized as he climbed into passenger side of the rental, "She _wants_ to be surprised, now let's go."

They drove for a few minutes in silence before Eliot couldn't help but ask.

"Since when do you like surprises?"

Parker stopped humming the nonsensical tune she had been and shrugged, resting her head back against the seat, "They're not so bad when it's with you guys."

Eliot and Hardison exchanged a quick but meaningful glance before both focusing intently back on the road. Parker's unspoken 'I trust you' rang clear in their minds.

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"Surprise!" Hardison exclaimed as he removed the blindfold from Parker's eyes. Sure, they had gotten a few strange looks on the way to the gate, but it had been worth it. He hoped.

"What the..." Parker trailed off as her eyes adjusted to the sun.

Eliot took a covert step closer, just in case she tried to run.

Hardison glanced at him briefly before settling back on Parker, a hopeful expression on his face. Eliot was torn between sympathy and aggravation at how far gone Hardison was on the girl, but he kept his thoughts to himself.

"Well?" Hardison ventured at the eerily quiet Parker.

She turned to him slowly, "Are we at... Disney World?"

"Yes..." Hardison answered carefully, trying to gauge the emotionless expression on her face.

He was relieved a moment later when a bright grin broke out on Parker's face and she jumped in place excitedly a few times.

"Awesome!" she exclaimed, "I wanna steal Mickey!"

Eliot groaned, "We're not here to steal anything, Parker, just to have a fun day."

She furrowed her brow, "But... stealing Mickey would be fun."

Hardison laughed, "Ok, maybe later. But let's ride some rides first."

Parker smiled happily, "Teacups!"

She ran ahead, leaving Hardison laughing and Eliot shaking his head. "I'm not riding the teacups," he said, crossing his arms resolutely.

Hardison just rolled his eyes yet again and ran to catch up with Parker.

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Several hours and many rides later, Hardison found himself being dragged to the Carousel by Parker, who grabbed his arm and gave him no other option but to follow or risk dismemberment.

Ignoring the looks from the children around him and the snickering from Eliot, who stood somewhere behind the line of people, Hardison followed Parker onto the ride and chose a horse beside hers. And even though he was clearly too tall to ever be comfortable on such a ride, the look of joy on her face that hadn't faded yet made it worth it.

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After the ride, Parker decided she wanted to go again, and somehow managed to charm her way into staying on her horse, while children took up residence on the seats around her. Hardison was ushered off the ride with the others, and instead of arguing, he decided to go stand with Eliot and watch.

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The sun was setting slowly on the park, casting it in a warm orange light that somehow turned the atmosphere into something that actually resembled magic. Eliot and Hardison stood side by side, watching Parker go round and round, long blond hair streaming behind her like a beam of light in the darkening night.

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"She's beautiful," Hardison sighed quietly, half hoping Eliot hadn't heard him.

"Yeah," Eliot agreed, "But she's crazy as fuck." Try as he might, the words came out more endearing than anything else, and he sighed.

"She's going to hurt you," he said to Hardison, almost whispering.

Hardison nodded a little bit sadly, "Maybe. Hell, probably. But it's worth it."

"I'll have to kill you if you hurt her, you know that, right?" Eliot continued on as if Hardison hadn't just poured his heart out.

"I couldn't..." Hardison was cut off by Eliot.

"You don't know what you could do until you have to do it," he argued, "Just don't ever hurt her on purpose, and we'll be just fine."

"When did she wrap us around her damn finger?" Hardison mused as they spotted Parker finally leaving the ride and coming towards them.

"She had you from day one," Eliot laughed, "It took a while longer for me."

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Any further discussion was halted by Parker's arrival and subsequent declaration that it was time for fried dough.

They walked towards one of the many fried dough carts, moving fluidly among the throngs of people in the still crowded park. Parker stopped suddenly, scooping to pick something off the ground before jogging ahead to a family some feet in front of them.

Hardison and Eliot followed slowly, unsure of what had just happened. Then they saw Parker stopping a man in his thirties with a girl no older than five on his shoulders. Parker reached up and handed the girl the fallen mouse ears that she probably hadn't even noticed were missing.

The little girl grinned brightly at Parker, showing off more spaces than actual teeth on top, but it somehow made her even more adorable. At her father's prodding, she thanked Parker properly.

"Thank you!" she chirped, placing the ears back safely on her head, "Are you a princess?"

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Parker laughed, and Eliot and Hardison froze. They hoped that Parker wouldn't inadvertently destroy the little girl's imagination with reality. But she surprised them both.

"Yes," Parker answered, leaning in to whisper to the little girl. "All girls are princesses, it is our right."

The girl's face lit up in such a smile that they were sure it must hurt her cheeks. She waved goodbye as they began walking away and Parker waved back until the mouse ears were just a speck in the crowd.

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They checked into the impressive on site hotel, the grand suite of course, with two bedrooms and a full kitchen and bath, thank you very much. Eliot and Hardison collapsed on their respective beds in exhaustion as Parker went to take a shower. They laid in silence for a few minutes, each just mellowing out after the constant noise of the day.

"That girl is exhausting," Eliot mumbled into his pillow after a while.

"True," Hardison agreed, "But it was fun. And it will be even more fun tomorrow, when we'll have a full day to see everything."

"We're going back tomorrow?" Parker's squeal shocked them both, they hadn't even seen her come into the room.

She debated between the two men for a brief instant, noting how exhausted Eliot looked, before launching herself onto Hardison's bed, narrowly avoiding crashing right into him. Water from her still damp hair sprayed all over the place and Hardison would have complained if he wasn't so tired, but Eliot was right, the girl was _exhausting. _He wasn't tired enough, however, to miss that she had somehow managed to steal a set of Mickey Mouse pajamas. They were long and too cutesy to really be sexy, but to him, she was perfect.

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"You should go to bed, Parker," Hardison murmured sleepily, noting Eliot was already out cold, "We'll go to the Magic Kingdom tomorrow."

"OK," she agreed, pulling at the blanket until she was covered comfortably, and closing her eyes.

"I meant in your own... never mind," Hardison stopped himself. If she wanted to stay, then who was he to argue.

He fell asleep peacefully to the scent of jasmine and ivory soap surrounding him.

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Eliot woke up with the sun, as he always did, and stretched before letting his gaze fall onto Hardison's bed. He smiled despite himself at the sight before him. Parker was burrowed in the blankets against the strongly air conditioned room, but she was turned toward Hardison, who was curled up in the same way, but only half covered. Even in his sleep, he gravitated toward her, his hand resting just inches from where Eliot was sure Parker's lay beneath the blanket. The sweetness of it all would be enough to make him gag if he was fully awake. Instead, he got up and set about finding some coffee for the sure to be long day ahead. Finding none, he sighed and headed for the shower instead, switching on the lights at the last minute on his sleeping teammates. Sure, it was a little cruel, but so was Hardison dragging him to Florida. He considered them even.

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"Welcome to Magic Kingdom!" a brightly dressed dwarf called out to them as they made their way into the park. Parker wasn't positive, but she was pretty sure it had been Dopey.

Parker smiled at the man and went on her way. She took a few steps before gasping out loud as she took in the sight of Cinderella's Castle.

"It's amazing," she said as she craned her neck up to view it's height. "That would be so much fun to scale!"

Eliot stepped closer automatically, ignoring Hardison's 'told you so' look.

Parker laughed, "I'm not actually going to do it. Not today anyway."

"This way to lunch with the princesses," a man dressed in royal garb motioned them along. Parker and Hardison went willingly, stopping briefly to grab Eliot and drag him along. He growled menacingly, but they just ignored him.

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"Something's going on here," Parker whispered to Hardison as they ate their lunch. She looked furtively across the table where Cinderella and Ariel were arguing softly.

"I'll say," Hardison laughed, gesturing to Eliot, who was busy doing his best to get into Snow White's cabin. And from the looks of it, he was pretty damn close.

"Ah!" Parker gasped, "I knew she was the slutty one!"

Hardison almost snorted his soda through his nose, "Dammit, woman, don't make me laugh when I'm drinking! And my bet on sluttiest princess is Cinderella over there. I mean, look at her, she just looks so... sketchy."

"That's what I was saying!" Parker grinned, "I mean, not the slutty, the sketchy. She's up to something, they all are. Ooh! I bet they're going to steal something!"

"Wait, wait, wait, you were serious," Hardison's voice dropped even lower, "You honestly think there's some sort of Disney Princess gang of thieves plotting to steal god knows what here?"

"Definitely," Parker nodded, "Look, Mulan over there is sizing up the parameters. I know that look."

Hardison frowned, "Mulan isn't even a princess,' he paused at Parker's 'seriously?' glance, "Right, not important. So, what do you think they're up to?"

"Not sure," Parker wrinkled her nose in concentration, but I intend to find out."

"How?" Hardison asked, wondering how he ended up in this situation at Disney World, of all places.

"Easy," Parker replied, eyeing the princesses one by one before landing on a mousy girl dressed as Aurora, "We find the weakest link."

Hardison followed her gaze, "And steal Sleeping Beauty?"

Parker grinned, "Exactly."

"We just need... wait, where did Eliot go?" Hardison asked as he looked around.

Parker laughed, "Probably wherever Snow White disappeared to." She pointed at the vacant seat the dark haired girl has occupied.

Hardison just shook his head. Only Eliot would convince a Disney Princess to bail on work in the middle of a shift to... he didn't even want to think about what they were doing.

"Pure as snow, my ass," he mumbled as he and Parker made their way over to Sleeping Beauty.

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Meanwhile...

"Somehow I don't think this is what Walt had in mind..." Eliot teased as Snow White pulled him into the closed dwarfs cabin, locking it securely behind them.

She grinned as she let her costume fall to the ground, "You complaining?"

Eliot eyed her milky skin, only barely covered by scraps of candy apple red. "Not even a little."

"Didn't think so," she laughed as her bra joined the dress, "Now get naked before I change my mind."

Eliot smirked, "Yes, ma'am."

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A few hours later, Eliot found his way back to the hotel, only to walk in on a most unusual sight.

"What the hell are you wearing?" he asked Parker, taking in her light blue dress and matching headband.

"A costume," Parker responded, smirking, "Or have you forgotten what they look like still _on_ a girl?"

Refusing to dignify that with a response, Eliot gave her a look and moved his attention over to Hardison, who was fiddling with his laptop.

"What's she up to?" he asked, slightly afraid to learn the answer.

Hardison didn't look up from his computer as he responded, "Well, if you hadn't been busy snacking on Snow White's apples, you would know already."

"Snacking on... seriously?" Eliot sputtered at the bad and frankly, disturbing, metaphor. "Just tell me, dammit."

"Fine," Hardison looked, still holding back laughter, "But you have to promise not to defile any more princesses."

"I didn't defile anyone!" Eliot defended, "If anything, she defiled me! You should see the bite marks she left!"

"Dude." Hardison made a face, "I did not need that image."

"I wanna see the bite marks!" Parker squealed excitedly, looking over Eliot for any visible teeth marks.

"Stop," Eliot grabbed her hand has she moved it towards him, "They ain't where you can see. Now tell me what the hell you two are up to!"

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"This is a bad idea," Eliot mumbled into his comm, from his position in the audience.

"You're saying that a lot lately, Eliot," Hardison scolded, "We really need to work on your negativity."

"We need to work on your fucking sanity, is what we need to work on," Eliot growled back.

"Boys!" Parker scolded, from her place on the stage, "You two can work out your bi-curious feelings for each other later; right now we have a heist to stop!"

"We.. I... this ain't..." Hardison stuttered into his comm.

"The only thing I'm feeling right now is frustration!" Eliot added, somehow getting even growlier.

Parker nodded sagely, meeting Eliot's gaze from the stage as she whispered, "Sexual frustration can be very difficult, Eliot, but we need to focus right now."

"Damn it, Hardison!" Eliot threw in just as the lights dimmed and "Sleeping Beauty" began.

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The setup to the con was simple enough. The original Aurora, or Dana, as she really went by, had cracked in record time. Hardison had to hand it to Parker, she could spot someone with a guilty conscience from a mile away. The other 'princesses' had been swiping wallets and valuables from patrons for the past few months, and stored them all in a hidden drawer of Sleeping Beauty's on stage bed, where she lay and wait for her prince to come every night.

They planned to empty the bed after that performance and split the profits.

Parker, for one, was disappointed in the girls for putting together such a lame scheme, but Hardison had reminded her that not everyone was the thieving genius that she was.

Now all Parker had to do was switch places with the original Aurora in the final act and clear out the bed before the other girls got to it.

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The audience fell to a hushed silence as the spotlight focused on Sleeping Beauty, still and perfect in her canopied bed. Even Eliot found himself struck by how hauntingly beautiful Parker looked on stage.

"Here comes the prince!" and offstage voice called out, one of the godmother's, Eliot assumed.

He shouldn't have been surprised when Hardison appeared on stage, in full prince gear, but he was. He groaned softly.

Yet he found himself watching raptly with the rest of the audience as Hardison knelt before Parker's bed, looking down at her mournfully.

Hardison ran his fingers over her pale hair softly, speaking his scripted lines just loud enough for the audience to hear.

But when he leaned down, only Eliot and Parker could hear the whispered, "remember, no stabbing," right before he kissed her.

Eliot laughed into his hands, not even trying to mask it.

Parker surprised the audience by wrapping her arms around Hardison's neck as they kissed. Finally, a pointed cough from the audience broke them apart.

Parker sat up perkily and said "The Prince has saved me! Thank you, good Prince!"

Hardison's eyes widened in surprise, that was definitely not in the script. But he recovered quickly.

"You are most welcome, princess. Now let us go and be married at once!"

Parker smirked as she stood and stage whispered to one of the dwarfs, Grumpy she thought, "He wants to get married so we can have _sex_."

The crowd in the first few rows gasped, and Hardison decided it was time for them to go, just as the curtains drew to a close.

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Parker sighed as they watched the police take away the princesses, the testimony from Dana and Hardison's helpful security footage enough to at least get them fired.

"Well, that wasn't as fun as I thought," she said, frowning, "I mean, it's great we stopped them from ripping people off, but it's not the same as when we're really helping somebody."

"I thought it was pretty fun," Hardison said, smiling to himself.

"That's just because you got to kiss Parker, again," Eliot smirked.

"So what?" Parker questioned, shrugging, "It was just part of the con. Do you want to kiss me too, Eliot?"

"No he does not!" Hardison exclaimed, glaring at Eliot over Parker's head.

"She didn't ask _you,_boy," Eliot drawled in response.

"Well?" Parker looked at him expectantly.

"Sure," Eliot grinned, needing to tease Hardison just a little bit.

He leaned in and Parker moved toward him, but at the last moment he shifted and kissed her squarely on the cheek, pulling away to ruffle her hair fondly.

"There, now everyone's kissed Parker. Can we go home now?"

"That didn't count!" Parker protested, but she laughed, "Hardison's a better kisser anyway."

Hardison grinned widely.

"He is not!" Eliot defended himself, "If I had really kissed you, you wouldn't even be thinking about comparing it to Hardison!"

"Then kiss me, for real," Parker dared.

Eliot growled and grabbed her waist, pulling her almost flush against him. But before she could even look up, he pulled away and stalked toward the exit.

"Come on, or I'm leaving without you!" he called back.

"What just happened?" Parker looked up at Hardison, who has the strangest expression on his face, "I thought we were having fun."

Hardison shook his head and laughed, "We were. We are. Don't worry about it. Eliot's just a good friend."

"I don't understand," Parker argued, even as they made their way toward the exit.

"It's not important, I promise," Hardison assured her, "Come on, we'll grab some ice cream for the ride."

Parker grinned, "And mouse ears?"

"And mouse ears," Hardison agreed, "You can even steal them if you want."

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The car trip home was uneventful, and mostly silent, save for a few arguments over the music on the way to the airport. An hour into the flight, Parker was fast asleep, having slowly drifted until she was laying on Hardison's shoulder. He found he didn't mind so much.

If Hardison thanked Eliot for not kissing Parker, he would never admit it. And if Eliot had heard him and shrugged it off, he would deny it ever happened. And if Parker had heard the whole thing while she only pretended to be asleep, she would never bring it up, but she would smile softly into Hardison's shoulder, thinking that yeah, maybe she really was loved.

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The End


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